I am an artist with 19 years sober. I am adding the conversation of "Recovering To" to the recovery conversation. Knowing that we are recovering ourselves, and that is is a unique journey, is the key to long term sobriety, wellness, and fulfillment.
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Friday, July 20, 2018
Hearing some Bullshit
I heard some bullshit today. Every day we each hear some sort of bullshit. What do we do with it?
Today I heard some sound information by a person who would be well equipped to make the statement I am referring to as bullshit. I onboarded it and started to identify with it. I put myself in the story I was being told, as if I was interested in judging myself against this “so called” bullshit, although I was not yet calling it bullshit.
It was actually opened a way for me to pass off some of my challenges on the invisible “others” that exist. I saw myself in the argument that wa being expressed and began to play the victim, ever so slightly. When I saw this it initially felt rather good, I was vindicated in a way. I was able to look outward and see that my lack was not mine but caused by others.
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! What the fuck is that?
“That must be some bullshit!” I thought. There is no way others are in control of me. So what made me flip? It was the feeling of satisfaction that came up. It was a relief to not have to be in control of my experience. It had scientific and institutional “proof,” an expert speaking on the subject, and there I was lapping it up like some thirsty dog.
I know better and after a few minutes I returned inward, it is not society, it is my beliefs about me that lead me to lap it up. There is no out there effecting me, my path is my own and I create it. When I am not happy with what I am experiencing I will look to me, what am I holding, believing or owning that is not me. Where is my blind spot and how can I bring it into focus?
What is some bullshit you have been hearing? Do you agree with it? Do you now live as if that bullshit is true and matters to you?