Well, it is boxing day again, and for all you footy fans you know what that means, we've reached mid season. Last night I called my sister to say I was going to head out to her place for the 9am games and to work on this project we are doing. After that I found out the Hull City game was going to be televised. I have been beating myself up since then because of course I would like to hit the pub for that, and ultimately I am going to but not before some processing.
I thought of all sorts of ways I could lie to my sister and get out of going so I could watch the game at the pub but that is not me, I want to be honest. I will still go to my sisters, I will just go after the game. I'll let her know I will be going to the pub for the Hull game, she doesn't care at all I am sure, but in my mind I want to be reliable and others are making that the be all. I said I would be there at a certain time and that is what used to be most important. But today what is most important is me and standing up for what I want.
Had I known the Hull game was going to be televised, I would have just planned to go to the pub, but again I am leaning on my sister these days, she is the strong woman I have placed in charge of these next few months but I want to tread carefully.
I want to be making choices and looking at what I like, knowing it is okay to like things. I can prefer things for myself and not think they are the right answer for everyone, I can continue to let go of right and wrong while acquiring a preference. I have learned through all of this processing that a lot of people don't know what they want. I should say I dismiss that a bit by thinking, "My not knowing is bigger" and I know it isn't but since I have been steady focused on being an open and honest person for so long, I feel this is a huge gap that I have missed and other no t knowing is just that regular not knowing how to choose. I know it is dismissive and I have no apology for that, For the purposes of these writings I dismiss them. I also respect their struggle when in their presence. No matter what I am perfect and I am focused on getting better all that time, this issue of preference is just what I am focused on now and there will be more issues to pop up I am sure, however disappointing that may be for me to admit.
C'mon you Tigers